


Two gals, standing in an elevator, 5 feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay

by 1TheArtOfLosing1



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack, F/F, First Meetings, Humor, Lilith is an asshole but a sweet one, Look don’t take this fic seriously, Rated T for swearing, The title is a lie ‘cause they are in fact very very gay, Vine reference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29398266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1TheArtOfLosing1/pseuds/1TheArtOfLosing1
Summary: Based on this prompt:“I saw you trying to hit the ‘door close’ button in the elevator when I was hurrying to reach it, but I made it and then I pushed every single button to make you late for work, but now we’re stuck in this fucking elevator as it stops at every single floor.”
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 14
Kudos: 71





	Two gals, standing in an elevator, 5 feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seriousoncer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seriousoncer/gifts).



> This is for my dear friend, because I want to thank her for her endless love and support. She gave me the prompt so all credits to her!
> 
> This fic is one big joke so don’t take it seriously lol
> 
> Enjoy!

Her morning had started out dreadful. Everything that could possibly go wrong, did in fact, go wrong.

Woken by the sound of her deafening alarm, Lilith had rolled over, only to find the other side of her bed completely soaked. Apparently, it had rained at night and naturally, it was on that one night when she had left her window open. Groaning and muttering words that certainly assured her of her one-way ticket to hell, she had changed the sheets and knocked over the lamp on her bedside table in the process. A string of more unladylike words had filled the air as Lilith had cursed every God known to mankind, before cleaning up the shards and remains of her broken lamp.

On her way to the bathroom, she had somehow managed to trip over her own feet, steadying herself right before she was about to hit the floor, face down. Once she had reached the bathroom safely, Lilith had attempted to style her hair, leading into her burning her own neck with her hair straightener. She’d hissed in pain and nearly thrown the damn thing out the window, before remembering how much it had cost. Huffing, she had continued to straighten her hair without any further accidents. She had nearly completed her morning routine without causing any more disasters, when she went into the kitchen and came to the realization that she had run out of coffee.

Convinced that this day couldn’t possibly become any worse, she had gone off to work without her morning coffee and with a burned patch on her neck that looked more like a hickey than a burn.

The entrance hall was unnecessarily bustling with life, people chatting happily and strutting in all directions. Even after years of working there, this very sight that greeted her every single morning, made her nauseous. Every day she wondered if truly everyone that worked here was a morning person and if she was the one soul here that could barely resist her murderous thoughts when someone tried to interact with her before noon.

It certainly seemed that way.

Making her way through the crowded hall, Lilith caught sight of the elevator.

The doors were still open, and a redheaded woman was standing in it, holding her purse close to her. She looked like every other woman who worked here: tight, knee lenght pencil skirt, white shirt, neat blazer and high heels that promised to cause painful feet. But the color of her hair was truly something else entirely.

Not allowing herself to linger on the woman’s perfectly styled hair for too long, Lilith picked up speed and made eyecontact with the woman. As soon as she met her gaze, she reached forward and, without hesitation, pushed another button.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me._

The doors started sliding shut, and the woman had the audacity to throw a quick smile at Lilith. That was the last fucking straw. Lilith really couldn’t deal with that in a calm, collected way today. She probably couldn’t on any other day either, but especially not today.

Did that woman really think she could claim that elevator as her own quite so easily?

_Not a chance._

Lilith made a run for it, sprinting through the hall, not caring about the other people around her to who she now probably looked like a cheetah on crack. She pushed some nerd who was holding a stack of papers, and had the nerve to get in her way, to the side, making him drop his papers in the process. She didn’t spare him a glance, now running as fast as her legs could physically carry her and her heels would allow her. The further she ran, she closer her target came, and the woman in the elevator watched her approach in horror, bright green eyes wide, and red, full lips parted in shock.

Lilith smirked, knowing her victory was within reach, and the very second the doors were about to slip shut, she stuck her arm in between them.

The doors opened again, and with a triumphant grin, that was so wide it nearly hurt her face, she stepped inside. The woman instantly averted her eyes, staring at the floor and the sight made Lilith want to pat her own back.

Turning to face the rows of buttons, Lilith saw that her ginger companion was heading to one of the highest floors: the the twenty-third one. Lilith had to suppress a wave of evil laughter as the most vicious, spiteful plan popped into her mind.

_Oh yes, it was just the perfect punishment._

Without thinking twice, Lilith extended her hand and started pushing _every single_ button. Lilith was sure she could hear a light gasp coming from somewhere next to her, but she paid the woman no mind, continuing to push all twenty-two buttons in front of her. If Satan in fact did exist, she was certain she was currently making him very proud.

Once every button had been pushed, a satisfied smile crept onto her face. She took a step back, admiring her work, as the elevator jolted into movement and started its journey up to the second floor. The woman next to her didn’t say a word and Lilith dared to glance at her. The lady, who had somehow found the courage to challenge her into a game of chicken, wore a nametag. The name for some reason rung a bell, but Lilith couldn’t quite place it. The tag read Zelda Spellman, and just as Lilith’s gaze started wandering across the woman’s chest, a pair of furious eyes snapped up at her.

Instantly, she averted her stare, taking a peek outside the doors once they slid open, indicating that they had arrived at the second floor.

Not a single soul joined the two of them, and the doors closed once again, before the elevator stirred and moved to the third floor. The same thing happened there, as well on the fourth floor, as on the fifth one and on the sixth one. On the seventh floor however, a man walked in, a kind smile on his face that quickly dropped when he noticed all buttons had been pushed. He frowned, glancing at the two women, before turning on his heel and quickly fleeing the scene.

The doors shut again and Lilith heard the woman who was apparently called Zelda huff.

Lilith may admit that as they stopped at yet another floor and then another, she realized this might not have been the most comprehensive or far-reaching plan she’d ever had to punish someone, because she was in fact punishing herself as well.

When they were at the twelfth floor and the doors slid shut yet again, she heard Zelda dramatically exhale through her nose.

_That’s it._

“You started this,” Lilith muttered, pursing her lips as the elevator started moving again.

“Oh, did I?”

“Yes, you did.”

Turning her head, to throw Lilith a very dirty glare, Zelda raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms. “If I recall correctly, you were the one who decided it would be funny to push every fucking button.”

_Well, it was indeed very funny, dare she say, amusing._

“And if I recall correctly,” Lilith mocked, imitating Zelda’s voice in a high pitched tone, “you were the one who tried to shut the elevator doors right in front of my sodding face.”

“I didn’t see you.”

“We made eyecontact!”

“You were still miles away.”

“So you _did_ see me, you liar.”

Jutting her chin, Zelda defended: “Well, forgive me for not wanting to share an elevator with a random stranger on a Monday morning.”

”Too bloody late.” Lilith crossed her arms in front of her chest and tilted her head to the side. “You should have just taken the stairs if you can’t handle some basic human interaction.”

“To the twenty-third floor? You’re nuts.”

“I won’t deny that,” Lilith agreed, smirking just a little, before muttering under her breath: “You’re probably too old to use the stairs anyway.”

“ _What_?” Zelda gasped, turning her head to gape at Lilith in shock.

Lilith had to stiffle a chuckle at the woman’s expression. She decided then to pour a little more gasoline to the fire. “Your poor knees probably couldn’t handle it.”

Narrowed eyes glared at her, and Lilith knew that if looks could kill, she’d be six feet under right now. Zelda then raised an eyebrow at her, a challenging look appearing on her face. Lilith felt excitement course through her, curious to know what plan had popped into her new friend’s mind.

The doors opened once again, and without looking back, Zelda stepped out, swaying her luscious hips as she went.

Once she tore her eyes away from Zelda’s backside, Lilith frowned. “What are you doing?” she called after her.

“Taking the stairs.”

Well, there was no way in Hell Lilith was going to let her get away that easily, so she quickly sprinted after her.

Turning her head, Zelda groaned and rolled her eyes in exasperation, her irises briefly disappearing.

“What are you doing?” she very nearly whined, quickening her pace, trying to be faster than Lilith.

Little did she know, Lilith had been the short friend all her life and throughout the years she had become an expert at keeping up with people much taller, and therefore faster, than herself.

“Taking the stairs,” Lilith answered simply, shrugging.

“Stop copying me,” Zelda snarled, hands turning into fists.

Lilith huffed and raised her eyebrows. “ _You_ copied _me_ first.”

She groaned again, and somehow managed to start walking even more quickly, as the two of them went through a small door and started going up the first flats of stairs.

“You’re really desperate to get rid of me aren’t you?” Lilith asked, easily following Zelda’s pace. In those heels, Lilith knew her competitor would not be able to keep up that tempo for long anyway. “First, you try to shut the elevator before I can even get in, and now you’re basically running away!”

“Can you blame me?” Zelda chuckles dryly, gripping the railing tightly in her hand.

“I never said I did.”

Smiling, Zelda turned her head, “I’m glad you’re aware of the fact that you are the literal embodiment of a headache.”

“And you remind me of an endless field of daisies.”

Zelda stopped for a moment, staring at her with her jaw nearly on the floor. Lilith was certain she could see something change in the woman’s eyes. That defensive armor, which she had been wearing from the very first moment Lilith had caught sight of her, slipping just ever so slightly. If she didn’t know better, Lilith would dare to say she looked like she felt guilty.

Before she got a chance to speak, Lilith added: “I’m allergic.”

And just like that, the armor was back on, as she shook her head and chuckled in disbelief. “You must be such a romantic person,” she muttered sarcastically, continuing her way up the stairs.

“Why thank you,” Lilith grinned proudly, following after her. “Pick up lines are my secret weapon.”

“I have to admit, that quite surprises me,” Zelda confessed, eyebrows knitting together as she looked at Lilith.

Humming, she nodded. “I completely understand. You’d believe someone with such great looks as myself wouldn’t need to pull out an old trick like that to get a date, but nowadays people sadly want more than just a charming smile and shit tons of hair.”

Huffing, Zelda rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not that. I’m surprised, because I thought everyone tries to get as far away from you before you even get the chance to use one.”

 _Touché_.

Gasping, and putting a hand over her heart, Lilith shook her head. “Come come, no need to be so spiteful just because no one has ever tried to use one on you.”

Zelda snorted. “Like I would want that sort of thing.”

“Of course you would,” Lilith exclaimed happily, before patting Zelda’s back a few times. “But don’t worry, I got quite a few up my sleeve.”

“Lord have mercy on my soul, are you really going to do this now?”

“Well, what else are we going to do as we climb all these fucking stairs, since someone was too petty to share an elevator with me?”

When no response followed, other than a displeased sound, Lilith cleared her throat, and started by pulling out her first pick up line: “I was feeling very off today, but then you turned me on.”

“Dear God-“

Reaching forward, Lilith offered Zelda her hand. Zelda frowned at it, before silently and unsurely accepting it.

“Can you put this in your pants?”

Disgusted, Zelda pushed the hand away with a scoff.

Lilith let out a laugh, before gasping: “Oh I got another one, a riddle this time.”

Closing her eyes for a moment, Zelda waved her hand and shook her head. “I highly doubt I want to-“

“What is the difference between you and a pair of glasses?”

Zelda eyed her skeptically, taking a moment to think, but before she could guess, Lilith answered proudly: “Glasses seem to sit a little higher up my face.”

Inhaling sharply, Zelda averted her gaze and looked at the floor, biting her lower lip against a smile. For a moment, Lilith believed her eyes were deceiving her, but when she took a moment to properly look at the other woman, she knew they weren’t.

She was blushing.

_Oh, how utterly delightful._

“You are so disgusting,” Zelda sighed, and though that was certainly true, the undeniably red glow on both of her cheeks and the way she was suppressing a smile, told Lilith that she probably didn’t mind one bit.

“I know.” Lilith chuckled and wiggled her finger, “Or my personal favorite: When I saw you I almost dropped my croissant.”

Coming to a halt, Zelda stared at her in confusion: “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Lilith blinked at her, taking a moment to register her words, because _did she really fucking hear that right?_

“You don’t- You don’t know that vine?”

Zelda’s frown only deepened, “What on earth is a _vine_? Is it some type of drug?”

Chuckling loudly, Lilith lightly punched Zelda’s shoulder. “You are a funny one you!” She laughed then, throwing her head back for a moment. “Looking like that, I’d never guess you have the slightest sense of humor.”

Still frowning at her like a cow seeing a train pass by, Zelda remained silent, and Lilith was pretty sure she could hear the wheels in her head spinning. It was then that she realized the woman truly had no idea what a vine is.

Once Lilith’s laughter died down, she shook her head and pouted her lip. “Oh you sweet, innocent soul.”

Apparently giving up on trying to get an explanation from Lilith, Zelda rolled her eyes for what must have been the hundredth time and went up the stairs again.

Lilith quickly followed after her and soon enough, they reached a door that had a sign with the number twenty-three next to it. Lilith heard Zelda let out a breath of relief and she couldn’t help but feel a little disrespected. After all, she had done her utmost best to entertain Zelda during their climb up the stairs.

“I’m afraid our paths seperate here,” Zelda announced, not even trying to sound as if she was actually sorry.

Inhaling sharply, Lilith bit her lip and shook her head. “I’m afraid not, Miss Spellman.”

Zelda stared at her, lips parting and eyes going wide in pure horror. “What do you mean?”

About five seconds ago, Lilith had realized why Zelda’s name had sounded strangely familiar.

She smirked and asked: “You’re starting a new project today, aren’t you?”

Gaping at her and crossing her arms in front of her chest, she asked: “How in God’s name do you know that?”

“Because we are partners! Yay!” Lilith exclaimed, resisting the urge to throw some ‘jazz hands’. “Lilith Morningstar, nice to meet you.”

“Out of all people that work here, _you_ are the person I need to work with for the next few weeks?”

Lilith smiled and nodded. “I guess you got lucky.”

Zelda very nearly whined, before she went through the door and walked through several corridors with Lilith close on her heels.

When silence formed between them, Lilith decided to shoot her shot and stated: “I’d like to take you out some day.”

“I hope you mean with a sniper?” Zelda suggested, arching an eyebrow.

“Oh you really are funny! Love that!”

Zelda shook her head then and frowned. “Sorry, but when in fuck’s name did I give you the impression I want you to take me on a date?”

“You didn’t,” Lilith admitted, lifting her shoulders, “but if you never ask, you never know.”

Zelda was quiet for a moment, before she pointed a finger at Lilith and gave her a stern look.

“Tonight, 6 p.m., I get to pick a restaurant and you leave your filthy pick up lines, and whatever those _vine_ things are, behind. Understand?”

**_The end x_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this and have a lovely day!


End file.
